this past month i’ve had the privilege of caring for my brother and late sister-in-law’s youngest two children. i can’t begin to express how much i love those kids! they are my world. and living so far away makes my heart ache. it was really tough when my sister was living out her last days on earth. my family had each other to lean on. but i was so far away, i did my crying and pleading alone. mourning her has been a continual process and i have no idea when i’ll wake up and feel like it’s a little easier. i’m no where close to that yet. but i expect it to happen eventually.
but i live where i live because this is exactly where i’m supposed to be. not everyone gets it and that’s fine. thankfully my brother understands and allowed me to steal (or kidnap as one of my sister’s family members said) their kids away for a month. these 30 days went by super fast but it has probably been the best 30 days of my life! i love those kids! my oldest niece didn’t come but i love her too! lol. having them here has helped me heal.
my life has been at a cross roads so to speak this entire year. suffered some major and painful losses. endured some trying experiences. felt lost at times, and like i was drowning at others. and to top it all off, i turn 35 this year. it’s one of those key years in a woman’s life where everyone reminds her that her that time is running out. you’re out of time for having children. you’re out of time for getting married. you’re out of time for being happy. i wish those jerks would sit down and shut up. but they don’t. and some days it seeps into your conscious and you start feeling like somehow you failed at life. yep, i’ve had those moments. it sucks. tears are involved. sometimes you scream and throw things (not me, but some people do and i fully support that). mostly you spend hours analyzing every decision you have made until that moment and try to figure out where you went wrong. if only i had given so-and-so a chance, i’d be married now. or if only i’d taken that job i’d have this exciting life. or if only i had chosen that school, my opportunities would be greater.
enough! the truth is sometimes we waste opportunities. sometimes we take people and things for granted and they wise up. sometimes we stay when we should run. sometimes we run when we should stay. sometimes we make mistakes. sometimes we fail. sometimes we do everything we know to do and it doesn’t work out. sometimes life happens. sometimes it hurts. and on the really bad days, it hurts even more. but most of us look up one day and realize we actually made it through that painful experience we thought was going to take us out. we made it.
rarely do people take time to acknowledge they made it through. you didn’t drown in your tears. you didn’t die from a broken heart. you didn’t disappear into loneliness. you didn’t stay stuck in the pit you found yourself in. you made it. and if you are wise, you will also acknowledge that you have absolutely no reason to regret any of it.
sure some things we wish never happened. but it did, and you can learn from it. you can allow that experience to make you stronger. you can even impart that wisdom to someone else. the funny thing about life is you’re never the first to experience something and you won’t be the last. someone always has next! what role will you play in the life of the person who has next?
the end of june marks the official end of the first half of 2013. it’s been a hard one so far. but how awesome to look forward to a better second half? your later will be greater!!!! it is a promise i cling to because truth is the sun always rises again. the rains eventually stop. the floods recede. and all things are made new again. that is a part of life too.
you are more than the sum total of the decisions you have made and the experiences that you have had. you’re also the lessons you have learned, the strength you have gained, the courage you have displayed and the love you have continued to feel and share. you may have been shattered, but you’re not broken. you may have been wounded, but time will heal. i choose to purposefully live my life with no regrets. it’s not always easy. despite my hearts desire to be a super hero, i am in fact, still human. we are fragile creatures. be we are damned resilient. so as you face the second half of 2013, make a decision to live it with no regrets. own every experience and see it for what it is, an opportunity for you to grow. trust me, growth looks really good on you!
