i like to be prepared for everything. i have an uncanny ability to anticipate what people will need before they make that need known and i meet it. sometimes i know what they need before they even know themselves. i’m not sure when this super power started but i’ve had it for a while.
this unique talent applies to all areas of my life. it’s common for me to send an email requesting or providing updates at work just before people realize they need it to move forward. i invite people out for lunch or dinner just before they reach breaking points in their lives. i buy little gifts or send cards or make trinkets that put smiles on people’s faces when they’ve had rough days they haven’t told me about. most times this is a great thing. anticipating and meeting needs is awesome when you’re the one in need. but it does have its downfall.
you know how they say super heroes don’t get breaks? i can’t always turn off my super power. i’m always thinking and preparing and anticipating. this skill has allowed me to thrive in many ways, and it has crippled me in others. yep, i’m that girl who brings sand to the beach.
i know the beach is covered in sand. i know it won’t run out. that does not stop me from preparing for the day the sand disappears and so i bring my own just in case. i realize that all kinds of things can go wrong when you fail to prepare. but the older i get, i also realize that sometimes preparing for life can prevent you from living life. if the birds of the air don’t care about what they will eat, and the lilies of the field are clothed in beauty without so much as a thought, how much more are my needs known and addressed?
this has been something i’ve wrestled with for a while. you’ve heard my stories of growing up in poverty and how we went without basics from time to time. i’m sure that survival experience was the origin story for my super-powered alter ego. maybe i know what others need because i became incredibly sensitive to it after having my needs unmet for so long.
as i have more and more demands on my time and resources, i can’t help but wonder who i can count on to anticipate my needs. sure, god has me. i mean, he’s pretty much the originator of my own super power. that whole he knows what you have need of before you even ask thing? yeah, that’s kind of a big deal.
i’m more than grateful that my heart song rings in god’s ear, but that doesn’t stop the very real need for actual human connection that shows up without me having to ask for it. my greatest need in life right now is not more stuff, more friends, or more recognition. what i need more than anything, what i long for when everything is still in the quiet of the night, is for someone who can anticipate my needs and meet them before i even have to verbalize it. i need someone to pack my bag for the beach so i can show up and play in the sand god already provided. i need god to make that a reality in my life.
