the junk that spills out from my brain dump

Posted on April 13, 2016 by

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there has been a lot swirling around in my head lately. probably not more than usual, but it has been weighing on me and making it impossible to write or move forward on some projects. a while back, a group of my friends and i read the artist’s way. actually, that was how we became friends in the first place. we met in the group. anyway, one of the tools we learned for getting unblocked is to do a brain dump of everything on your mind. although i haven’t done it in years, i can vouch for the benefit of just getting stuff out of your head and onto paper so you can move on.

i had to do that tonight. i had to just write out what seems to be stuck in the deep spaces of my consciousness. ironically, it came out quite poetic. i hate poetry. hate is a strong word. in this case, it is the right word. writing poetry is like being sentenced to my own private hell. yet, here it is.

where can my soul find rest?

this question still dangles in my mind like a discarded participle 
i know i should follow it up with an answer
but i’m still trying to wrap my mind around its parts
still trying to implant its deepness into my heart
still trying to digest its contextual meaning in my mind
that won’t stop screaming
won’t stop speeding
won’t stop 
not even for a moment
because i have this list of things to do
i have these responsibilities to tend to
i must be about the business of building a business
and making room for my gift to thrive
i’m not shy about chronicling my fear
if you look closely you will see the smudged tears 
in the creases of my face because i’m desperately trying to find my place
to be all that i was created to be
i want to live up to the many expectations
to rise above the limitations
to set new standards of excellence because i’m extraordinary
like the god who created me
so when you ask where can my soul find rest
i have to break through the noise
i have to retreat from the chaos
i have to push passed the commotion and enter the garden
and walk down to the river and step into the water
until i’m completely covered up in the liquid love
that gives life
that gives hope
that brings restoration
that brings rejuvenation 
that cleanses and fills and overtakes me
until all i can do is surrender to its flow
it turns out the living water is the only place i can go
to find rest for my soul

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