the older you get, the more you realize how important it is to surround yourself with people who love you, support you, and mean you well. you need iron because iron sharpens iron. it’s common for your “circle” of friends to ebb and flow as your life stages change. hopefully, there are some people who remain constant throughout your life. the truth is, there should be some who don’t make the cut.
i deserve more than just a little part
i don’t want nothing, if I can’t have it all
i ain’t even gonna play with something I can’t keep
i want the whole thing or forget about me
i remember how devastating it was for me when some of my relationships – romantic and platonic – ended. loyalty is super important to me and i would grieve the loss of those relationships. it takes a lot to be open and trust someone with your intimacy. being open is scary business. people can see your flaws and weaknesses whether you want them to or not. they can use those things against you, especially if they don’t know how to fight fair. you see it all the time during ugly divorces. i’ve always wondered how someone you love more than life itself can become your worst enemy. i hope to never truly understand that kind of dysfunction. but we’ve all seen it play out in real life or on tv.
relationships are work. they take time and energy. they require you to give of yourself constantly. they are an investment in someone and you don’t always know the return on that investment. but there are always warning signs – those little red flags that tell you to proceed with caution, or run like hell. when you look up and realize you’re doing more giving than receiving, there is a problem. if you look up and realize you experience more pain than happiness, there is a problem. if you look up and realize you are more stranger than friend, there is a problem.
i have not always listened to the warnings i’ve heard in my head. i’ve rationalized tolerating foolery much longer than i should have, and i’ve let relationship seasons extend past their calendar expiration date. i can be honest and say i’ve made horrible decisions in the relationship area a time or two. but i regret nothing. you live and learn (hopefully), and armed with new knowledge, you make better choices.
that’s why i now have a hard time nursing relationships that add nothing to my life. i’m no longer interested in entertaining time-sucks. the sun will rise and the moon will set regardless of some people being in your life. i’ve learned that i would rather fill those passing hours with people whom i love, and who love me back.
listening to this song, pieces, by tamar braxton really hit me. it resonates with me so much. i can no longer make room for unhealthy relationships, whatever realm they exist in. that means not granting some people access to my heart, time, or even physical space. it’s been an interesting journey to get to this point. i’m grateful for those who have continued to be in my life and loved me through all the many changes i’ve experienced. and i’m grateful for those who didn’t make the cut because they helped me to identify what is healthy and what is toxic. i’m just going to let this sit right here. would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. do you struggle with holding on to relationships that cause more damage than good? why?